


Promise Me Forever

by yourmothersmeatloaf



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27910588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourmothersmeatloaf/pseuds/yourmothersmeatloaf
Summary: The many times Kindaichi tried to tell Kunimi how he felt and the one time he did.
Relationships: Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira
Comments: 3
Kudos: 50





	Promise Me Forever

**Author's Note:**

> THIS CONTAINS MENTIONS OF NEGLECT, ABUSE AND SELF HARM

Kindaichi stood in a busy room at Yamaguchi’s house. He’d thrown a party to celebrate their graduation and Karasuno’s last victory at Nationals. His eyes skated across all the people he’d grown beside for the last three years.

He was still pretty bitter about not ever making it to Nationals even if he knew that their team wouldn’t even reach the level of greatness they were at before their original third years left and especially after the second years went, too. His eyes landed on Hinata as he spoke with Kunimi.

Hinata was fine. Really, he was fine. He was just  _ fine,  _ though. They got to be closer after their training camp in their first year, but they never got to be  _ close.  _ His major downfall came from his relations with Kageyama. Kindaichi was absolutely still angry with the setter and figured he always would be. The anger always flared up when he thought about their initial defeat to Karasuno in their first year and Kageyama tried  _ apologizing  _ to him.

The very idea that Kageyama felt enough responsibility in their relationship to apologize was more than pitiful— it was laughable. Then when Kindaichi told him they were never friends— the honest to god truth— the guy had the  _ audacity  _ to have betrayal in his eyes. No, they were never friends. He could never befriend a terrible tyrant. It went beyond how Kageyama treated him in middle school. That wasn’t really the problem.

Kindaichi’s eyes moved over Kunimi’s features as he looked just about ready to die while speaking with Hinata. It was really the way that Kageyama treated  _ Kunimi  _ than anything else. He never took the time to consider that other people may not live the same life as him. He’d always yell at his friend to chase the ball, calling him noncommittal, flippant,  _ lazy.  _ He never stopped to think that maybe Kunimi had a bad life. How he didn’t sleep at night. How he was constantly on edge. How life gave him a shit hand right from the get go.

Kunimi only joined the volleyball club for two reasons: It got him out of his house for longer and because Kindaichi would also be there. Volleyball club was supposed to be his safe place and Kageyama took that away from him— and Kindaichi would  _ never, ever  _ forgive him for that.

No, Kindaichi was much too loyal for that. He cared for Kunimi. He  _ loved  _ Kunimi. He was so, so desperately in love with Kunimi Akira that it made him ill. He spent so much time loving him, but he never expected anything in return. There were a few times he went to tell him how he felt, but something always got in the way. The last year he settled on just keeping it to himself. Kunimi was going away for school the next day and there was no need to risk their friendship for nothing.

His heart tugged painfully as he watched Kunimi closely. They spent so much of their lives together. They shared so many laughs, cries and memories and it hurt like a bitch to think about how he’d be leaving as if none of it ever happened. He knew he had to go, though, and he was proud of him.

Memories took him over as he smiled absentmindedly at his friend from across the room. Kunimi tightened his jacket around himself, bringing Kindaichi back in time.

_ It was their first day of high school. Kunimi flattened his hair as he approached Kindaichi with a blank expression. Kindaichi just got his locker open as he greeted him. _

_ “Hey,” Kunimi said, opening his own locker. _

_ The smell of stale cigarette smoke wafted over to Kindaichi, causing him to wrinkle his nose. His friend’s parents smoked in the house, causing Kunimi to constantly smell of smoke. He was constantly picked on for it in school, as if it was his own fault. That rightfully pissed Kindaichi off, but he was prepared for their new start. _

_ He held a bag out, “Here, I got you this.” _

_ Kunimi frowned as he took the bag and looked inside, “I have a uniform already.” _

_ “You don’t say,” Kindaichi gestured to his outfit. “I thought maybe you could change before and after school and keep that one in your locker.” _

_ Kunimi subconsciously brought his collar to his nose, “Is it that bad?” _

_ Kindaichi nodded regretfully and Kunimi’s face flushed as he gripped the bag tightly. _

_ “I don’t mean to be rude, I just thought since it’s a new school that you’d… you know, want to start anew.” _

_ “Right,” Kunimi looked back at the bag. “Thank you.” _

_ “Of course.” _

_ Kindaichi closed his locker before leaning into it, watching Kunimi put some things inside his. He reached out and finished flattening the back of his hair for him. His friend glanced at him with a small smile before finishing what he was doing. _

_ It was only a small smile, nothing more than a ghost, but it did all sorts of things to Kindaichi. Suddenly just flattening his hair wasn’t enough anymore.  _ Friend  _ wasn’t the title he wanted, but he knew how blessed he was to have it. He wanted to hold his hand, and kiss him, and tell him how things wouldn’t be so bad forever. He wanted to be entirely devoted to Kunimi forever and nothing could ever change his mind. There was only one way to do all that, though. He needed to state how he felt. _

_ “Kunimi, I—“ _

_ The warning bell rang and Kunimi jumped a bit. He looked apologetically at Kindaichi before slamming his locker shut and pointing at the bag. _

_ “I need to change. You can tell me later, okay?” _

_ “Yeah, sure.” _

_ Kunimi waved to him before turning around and rushing off to change. Kindaichi waved after him even though his back was already turned. _

Kindaichi turned and talked with Yamaguchi after he approached him. He pretended to be interested in what he had to say as he watched Kunimi over his shoulder. He wanted to care, he really did, but he just couldn’t. That face he’d seen almost every day for  _ years and years  _ would be gone come nightfall tomorrow. He wanted to see it as much as he could before the option was torn away from him.

Kunimi sighed and ran his hand through his hair as Hinata evidently said something stupid. Kindaichi drank it in, thinking back to their second year of high school.

_ Kunimi spent the night and they slept in the next morning. He often stayed at Kindaichi’s house when things got too bad at home— which was far too often. Kindaichi loved having Kunimi at his home, in his room, in his  _ bed,  _ but he didn’t like the primary reason for it. _

_ Kunimi hardly slept. For as long as Kindaichi knew him, his eyes drooped and his bags had bags. He slept through classes, feeling safer there than in his own bed. Once he started sleeping over, Kindaichi noticed that he’d stay up very late. He started pushing that they went to bed early, giving a lame excuse— something like he  _ liked  _ going to bed at eight thirty. They’d get in bed and Kindaichi would pretend to sleep until he was certain Kunimi was asleep as well. If he was feeling brave, he’d reach out and pet his hair or even go so far as to wrap an arm around him. The best nights were the ones Kunimi would press back into him. Things got stickier when they got to high school and Kunimi had to start working in order to help support his household and buy the things he needed such as his school uniform and volleyball shoes. Sometimes he’d work until eleven at night, but Kindaichi was always there when he was done. When he got his license, he even started picking him up. Those were the best nights in their own rights. _

_ He opened his eyes and looked over the slim figure across from him. Kunimi’s shoulder peeked out from the blanket and his hair was a mess against the pillow, but otherwise the world was blind to him. Kindaichi reached out and flattened his hair, causing him to stir. _

_ “No.” _

_ “Come on, it’s morning.” _

“No.”

_ Kindaichi snickered before jabbing him in the ribs, causing Kunimi to jump up and glare at him. _

_ “I hate the morning.” _

_ “Don’t we all? Let’s eat breakfast.” _

_ Kunimi groaned as he threw himself back and rubbed his eyes, “I know you’re going to make me sit through half an hour of you doing your hair.” _

_ “Maybe if you took care of your hair at all it wouldn’t be so bad,” Kindaichi teased. _

_ Kunimi glared harder at him, “Why waste the time?” _

_ “Because it feels nice to take care of yourself.” _

_ Kunimi stared blankly at him for a long moment before Kindaichi got up and dragged him along to the bathroom. _

_ “Come on, we’ll do a hair mask on you. You’ll love it.” _

_ “Fine, can I piss first?” _

_ “Oh,” Kindaichi suddenly remembered his own need to relieve himself, too. “Right.” _

_ Once they’d both taken turns and gone to the washroom, they brushed their teeth and Kindaichi started preparing the hair mask while Kunimi leaned on the counter and watched. His eyes moved between the mixing bowl and Kindaichi’s face. _

_ “Why don’t you just leave your hair down?” _

_ Kindaichi looked at him, surprised, “What?” _

_ “Down. Your hair?” _

_ “I like it up.” _

_ “Oh.” _

_ Kindaichi glanced at him as he watched him mix the mask, “Why?” _

_ “It looks fine down, too.” _

_ That was as much of a compliment as one could expect from the guy, and Kindaichi’s insides  _ exploded.  _ He even considered wearing it down, despite really not liking how it looked that way. He just smiled as he mixed. _

_ “Besides, it’s less effort.” _

_ “Taking care of your outsides makes it easier to take care of your insides.” _

_ “Why’d you have to word it like that?” _

_ Kindaichi laughed hard at Kunimi’s perplexed expression and melted, exploded, disintegrated— at the sight of his genuine smile that followed. He held the bowl up to Kunimi.  _

_ “Ready?” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ They sat on the floor of Kindaichi’s bedroom, pushing the area rug out of the way. They each reached into the bowl and started covering each other’s hair in the goo. Kindaichi laughed every time Kunimi made his focused face, and Kunimi glared at him every time he did so. They worked in comfortable, focused silence for the majority of the time. _

_ “Oh, god,” Kunimi squirmed back.  _

_ “What?” _

_ “My nose is itchy.” _

_ They both looked down to Kunimi’s entirely goo coated fingers. Kindaichi was much more skilled at the application process, having done it a million times, and only his first three fingers were covered. _

_ “Here,” he held his pinkie out. “Where is it?” _

_ “Left side,” Kindaichi went in to itch his nose before Kunimi shook his head, “My left.” _

_ Kindaichi laughed at the relief on Kunimi’s face as he itched. His heart warmed fully at the sight of his friend leaning forward into him, his gooey hands out to his side as he accepted his help. It felt really good. The pride and love he felt swelled dangerously in his chest and the words almost spilled out of his mouth without him thinking about it. _

_ He bit back the,  _ ‘I love you’  _ as panic replaced all his other emotions. He couldn’t risk their friendship that way. He might not have been with Kunimi the way he wanted, but it was so, so much better than not at all. Kunimi smiled fully at him as he pulled away before taking a scoop of the hair mask and slopping it on the top of Kindaichi’s head. Kindaichi’s panic melted away as he grabbed his own scoop and slapped it into the side of Kunimi’s head, eliciting a beautiful laugh from the beautiful boy. _

Kindaichi remembered he was supposed to be talking to Yamaguchi and hurriedly turned back to where he stood only to find he was gone. Oops. Honestly, it didn’t matter that much to him. Maybe it was a bit rude, but Yamaguchi wasn’t exactly his biggest concern at the moment. His eyes raked up Kunimi as sadness wracked at Kindaichi’s body. Hinata gestured widely as he spoke and Kunimi pressed his fingers to his lips.

_ Kunimi lit a cigarette in the passenger seat of Kindaichi’s car before pulling his fingers from his lips and rolling his window fully down. Kindaichi eyed him up before pulling away from his house. He wasn’t a fan of the smoking, but it was an old habit and old habits die hard. Kunimi stole cigarettes from his mother for the first time when he was considerably young. He told Kindaichi it helped him with the stress. It was a very well kept secret, aided by his parents' habit to smoke inside their home. It was another reason he often slacked at volleyball, his lungs simply couldn’t handle the intensity. _

_ “Are you okay?” _

_ Kindaichi glanced over at Kunimi when he didn’t get an answer. His friend stared out the window, the wind shaking his hair as the street lamps periodically lit him from behind with warm, orange light. He picked at his cuticles around his cigarette and seemed to be somewhere else entirely. _

_ “Kunimi?” _

_ “Huh?” Kunimi looked back at him, his flyaways and rising smoke around him lit a bright orange. _

_ Kindaichi blinked at him before remembering he was driving and he looked back at the road, thankful that moment didn’t end worse for them. _

_ “Are you okay?” _

_ “Oh,” Kunimi’s voice lowered. “Yeah. I guess.” _

_ “You don’t have to lie.” _

_ “I know.” _

_ Kunimi turned up the radio as the song changed to  _ With Or Without You  _ by  _ U2.  _ Kindaichi cursed his luck as the soft and slow song began playing. Kunimi curled up and leaned against the door as he watched the passing scenery and smoked. _

‘See the stone set in your eyes

See the thorn twist in your side

I'll wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate

On a bed of nails, she makes me wait

And I wait without you’

_ Kindaichi pursed his lips as the tense energy built in the vehicle. _

‘Through the storm, we reach the shore

You give it all but I want more

And I'm waiting for you’

_ He glanced at Kunimi and his body froze over as he saw his cigarette fingers shaking while his other hand tightly covered his mouth. His face was red as he clearly strained to not cry. _

‘My hands are tied

My body bruised, she got me with

Nothing to win and

Nothing left to lose’

_ The tears flowed down Kunimi’s face as he squeezed his eyes shut, pretending he still had some sort of grasp on himself. Kindaichi wasn’t sure what to do. In all of his time knowing Kunimi, in all of the hard times they’d gone through together, he’d  _ never  _ seen him cry. He allowed his instincts to carry his hand over to his side of the vehicle and offer itself to his friend. _

‘And you give yourself away

And you give yourself away

And you give

And you give

And you give yourself away’

_ Kunimi stared down at his hand, evidently surprised, before hesitantly removing his hand from his mouth and placing it in Kindaichi’s. He looked away as his hand was readily claimed, and took a long drag on his cigarette, his tears slowing until they stopped. _

‘With or without you

With or without you, oh

I can't live

With or without you’

_ They rode on in silence, hands clasped, heavy atmosphere never lifting but no words being shared. It seemed thousands of conversations hung in the air between them, and they just didn’t know where to start. So, they didn’t. _

Kindaichi twisted his fingers together as he willed himself to look away. He wasn’t strong enough. He wouldn’t be okay without Kunimi. It was dependent and pathetic and he knew that, but he didn’t care. What were you supposed to do when you gave your heart to someone and they were about to walk away, taking it with them? He didn’t know the answer. His instincts told him to lay down and die but his brain told him he’d move on. He’d be okay again eventually. It just didn’t feel like that was true just yet.

Kunimi looked up and caught his eye before the corners of his lips turned up to the most minute degree as he raised his glass to him. Kindaichi was blown away by the galaxies that existed behind his eyes. It didn’t matter how often he saw them, they were the most beautiful sight that an earthbound boy like him could ever dream of seeing.

_ They sat on the hill in the park they used to play at when they were children. Kunimi once again smoked after being rescued from his home by Kindaichi. They sat in silence as they stared up at the stars. _

_ “I can’t go back there. Not ever.” _

_ Kindaichi looked down at him and admired the way the night’s sky reflected in his eyes. _

_ “Don’t, then.” _

_ Kunimi looked down and ashed his cigarette, “I have to.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “Where else would I go?” _

_ Kindaichi watched him take a drag of his cigarette, then watched the smoke fly up to the heavens. _

_ “Stay with me. What do you mean?” _

_ “I can’t do that to you.” _

_ “I love when you’re at my house. Don’t say that.” _

_ Kunimi studied his face for a minute before shrugging and looking back up at the sky. Kindaichi kept his eyes on Kunimi. All the stars and the moon itself existed within him. He didn’t need to look up. _

_ The crickets chirped loudly in the grass behind them, breaking up the otherwise silent night. Kindaichi’s breath puffed out in front of him in the cold air. The smell of Kunimi’s poison assaulted his nose, but he found he almost liked the smell having become so accustomed to it. He wondered if Kunimi felt the same way about it. He wondered if Kunimi felt the same way about  _ him.

_ “Ku—“ _

_ “Hey, do you believe in love?” _

_ Kunimi never looked away from the stars as Kindaichi sat back a bit. He watched his friend closely. _

_ “Yeah, I love you.” _

_ He actually said it. He finally got the words out there. His fear seized his body as he waited for a response. Luckily he didn’t need to wait for long. _

_ “I love you too, but I mean, real, true, deep love,” Kunimi finally met his eye, revealing several universes swirling around each other. _

_ Kindaichi’s breath caught in his throat and he stared for a moment too long. Kunimi looked back up to the sky. Of course he believed in that. He was looking it square in the face. _

_ “I’m sorry. You don’t need to answer that.” _

_ “No,” Kindaichi readjusted how he sat. “I do believe in love. Real, true and deep. Do you?” _

_ Kunimi shrugged, “I guess. I just don’t think I can ever trust someone new like that.” _

_ “What do you mean?” _

_ “After watching my parents hate each other so much… I just can’t imagine letting someone hold my life in their hands that way,” Kunimi smiled, but it was sad. “I trust you. I suppose I’m very lucky to have you. I should probably tell you that more.” _

_ Kindaichi shifted uncomfortably, anxiety raising as he felt the time was perfect to tell him how he truly felt. He sat up fully, holding onto his ankles as he leaned forward to look at Kunimi. He faltered as those vast cosmos met him again. Had he been standing he would’ve fallen to his knees. _

_ “You’re my best friend,” Kunimi smiled warmly at him. “Thank you for everything, Yūtarō.” _

_ His nerve crumbled as his words shattered to dust and fell off his tongue in the form of a lie. _

_ “I wouldn’t change a thing.” _

_ “Me neither.” _

_ Kindaichi joined Kunimi in staring at the sky as they listened to the crickets’ restless conversation. _

“Your collar is crooked.”

Kindaichi came back to the present moment and looked down to see Kunimi watching him closely. He straightened his collar with a small thanks.

“You wanna go?”

“Why?”

“You’ve been standing here staring at me for like… half an hour. I thought that was your way of saying you want to leave.”

“Oh, we don’t have to leave if you don’t want to.”

“I’m fine with leaving.”

“Are you sure?” Kindaichi looked around the room, “Who knows when you’ll see these guys again?”

Kunimi shrugged, “I’d rather just hang out at home.”

“Okay,” Kindaichi smiled, much more on board with leaving if he wasn’t just dropping Kunimi off at his apartment and leaving.

They made their way to the door after thanking Yamaguchi for hosting and saying goodbye to the people who got to them. They got into Kindaichi’s car and he felt very thankful for the opportunity to be the designated driver if it meant spending more time with his friend.

They rode in silence to Kunimi’s apartment. He’d finally moved out of parents house at the start of the third year, opting to use the money he earned from his job to support himself instead of his abusive parents. Kindaichi was so proud of him when he finally put himself first. He helped him move in and decorate. They hung out there a lot, but Kindaichi had never spent the night. He wasn’t sure if he was just making it up, but Kunimi started looking exhausted all the time again once he stopped staying at Kindaichi’s house all the time.

They got out of the car and went upstairs and Kindaichi waited for Kunimi to unlock the door. They went inside and tears nearly assaulted Kindaichi at the sight of everything packed into boxes. He didn’t even ask for help.

_ Lazy  _ was not the right word to describe Kunimi Akira.

“There’s not much to do since I’m packed up, but I got you something.”

Kindaichi followed him curiously to the kitchen where he was presented with a hair mask. The exact same type and brand as the one they’d used that one time on his bedroom floor.

No, neither was  _ flippant _ .

“Want to do it?”

Kindaichi took it from him with a smile, “Yeah.”

He mixed it together into a bowl as Kunimi started forcing his hair down. He savored the feeling of his touch as he thought about the intensity of the offer. Kunimi didn’t like when people touched his hair, but never seemed to have a problem when Kindaichi did it. It was a true testament to their friendship.

_ Noncommittal _ was certainly not the word, either.

They moved to the living room and sat across from each other on the floor. Kunimi removed his shirt and Kindaichi raised his eyebrows at him.

“It ruined my last shirt.”

“It  _ shouldn’t  _ have.”

“I might’ve waited too long to wash it…”

Kindaichi laughed hard as he started applying the mask to his hair. Kunimi smiled and followed suit. Once their hair was all saturated with the mask, Kindaichi set a timer for thirty minutes.

“Now what?”

“I don’t know,” Kunimi shrugged. “I have  _ Uno.” _

“You sure you want to spend our last night together getting your ass beat?”

“Tough words from someone who’s literally  _ never  _ won a game of  _ Uno  _ in his life,” Kunimi rolled his eyes as he retrieved the cards.

“Your lack of faith is disturbing,” Kindaichi laughed as he shook his head.

Kunimi threw the cards at him, “Prove me wrong, then. It could be your last chance.”

The words weighed heavily on Kindaichi as they played and fought over the cards. He actually won a round due to a bad slip up on Kunimi’s part. He triumphantly threw his hands up as he shouted his delight.

“Ha! I  _ told  _ you so!”

“Congrats on your first ever win,” Kunimi rolled his eyes but he wore a small smile.

Kindaichi leaned in and eyed him suspiciously, “Did you… Did you  _ let me win?” _

“What? No.”

Kindaichi narrowed his eyes at him. Kunimi  _ never  _ talked that fast. He  _ did  _ let him win. He crossed his arms and scoffed dramatically.

_ “For shame!  _ Where is the trust?”

“I trust you,” Kunimi said. “Do you trust me?”

“I will if you tell me the truth.”

“Fine,” Kunimi sighed then mumbled quickly,  _ “I let you win.” _

“I can’t believe you!”

“It was pitiful!” Kunimi cried as he leaned forward on his hands. “I couldn’t  _ not  _ let you win one!”

Kindaichi mirrored his posture, “You’ve gone soft on me!”

_ “I’m sorry,”  _ Kunimi cried melodramatically, feigning tears.  _ “Please forgive me!” _

_ “How could I ever?”  _ Kindaichi mirrored him still.  _ “All the trust is gone!” _

Kunimi cackled, breaking out his genuine, ugly laugh before slapping his hands in Kindaichi’s gooey hair and running the mess down his face. Kindaichi recoiled, shocked. Then, an evil smile crossed his face as he lunged forward.

It was the fastest he’d ever seen Kunimi move. He scrambled off the floor and ran away from him, but Kindaichi was quick to catch up. He all but tackled him to the floor before mercilessly tickling him. He knew the most effective ways to tickle him from years of experience.

Kunimi laughed hard until he couldn’t produce noise any longer. His face went red and Kindaichi finally took mercy on him when he was genuinely concerned about his breathing. He helped Kunimi sit up and watched him sputter and suck in a deep breath before dying of laughter all over again.

“Are you okay?”

Kunimi got control over himself before finally looking back at Kindaichi. The second his eyes latched onto his friend, he devolved into giggles again.

“What’s so funny?” Kindaichi smiled.

_ “You’re such… an asshole!”  _ Kunimi got out between laughs. “You’re amazing.”

_ “You’re  _ amazing,” Kindaichi corrected.

Kunimi’s laughter died out almost immediately, the ghost of a smile on his face. He shrugged then pointed at his hair.

“Shouldn’t we get rid of it now?”

“Yeah,” Kindaichi checked his phone. “It’s about time.”

They ran to the bathroom, pushing and elbowing each other the entire way. Kindaichi started the water and took the showerhead down. Kunimi leaned forward so he could rinse his hair for him. Kindaichi bit the inside of his cheek as he eyed the curve of his spine and shoulder blades. He ran his hand through his hair, getting right down to the scalp as he rinsed. He reached over and grabbed the towel so he could dry his hair when he was done. Kunimi roughly ran the towel over his hair several times and it hurt Kindaichi’s soul.

Kunimi gestured for him to lean over the tub next. He got on his knees and leaned over, not wanting to strain his back  _ that  _ much. Kunimi rinsed his hair thoroughly, sending rounds of heated chills down Kindaichi’s spine. He went to hand Kindaichi the towel, but was rejected.

“You really shouldn’t dry your hair with towels like that,” Kindaichi explained as he pulled his shirt off and wrapped it around his hair. “T-shirts are a good alternative.”

Kunimi looked up at his t-shirt hair before snorting and walking out of the room, “Loser.”

Kindaichi smiled after him as he walked away and replaced the shower head in its place.

The rest of the evening passed with pleasant conversation about shared memories and plans for the future. Kindaichi felt empty. He didn’t want Kunimi to go just as much as he desperately wanted to see him succeed. He was so torn and it made him feel entirely guilty. His friend checked the time.

“Oh, god. It’s late.”

“You gonna go to sleep?”

“I really should.”

Kindaichi nodded and stood, replacing his damp shirt over his body. Kunimi cocked his head at him.

“What?”

“You’re not staying?”

“Am I…  _ supposed  _ to stay?”

Kunimi looked away, “If you want.”

Kindaichi smiled at him before happily removing his damp shirt again, “Good, that was cold.”

“You’re so dumb,” Kunimi snorted as he stood and went to brush his teeth.

Kindaichi couldn’t follow suit as he didn’t anticipate staying out, so he waited in the living room. When Kunimi re-emerged, he gestured for Kindaichi to follow him to his room. Admittedly, his room didn’t look that different when it was packed compared to when it wasn’t. Kunimi never kept many personal items. They removed their jeans and climbed into the bed. 

Kindaichi closed his eyes and fell into the same routine he had for several years before Kunimi got his apartment. He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep for a long,  _ long  _ time. When he was sure Kunimi had fallen asleep, he turned over and looked at him.

He reached his hand out and flattened his hair. It dried so quickly. He wasn’t sure how Kunimi had such healthy hair for literally never taking care of it, including brushing it. He sighed softly and kept his hand in his hair. His friend was really leaving.

His heart clenched painfully. He honestly couldn’t remember a time before Kunimi. He didn’t know how he’d adjust, but he knew he’d have to. He leaned his head forward and pressed his forehead against the base of his neck.

“I ran out of time. I never told you.”

“Told me what?”

Kindaichi’s entire body was seized with heated ice. How would he explain that away? Why was he awake? Oh, no. Kunimi leaned his head over and attempted to look at Kindaichi.

“Tell me what?”

“I—“ Kindaichi leaned up on his arm and looked down at him. “I thought you were asleep.”

Kunimi laughed softly as he laid back down, “I promise you that I have never fallen asleep before you.”

_ “What?” _

Kindaichi’s mind reeled. He had so many questions. Where did he even start?

“Why would you pretend to sleep, then?”

“Because I noticed that you’d only sleep if I slept. So when I learned you actually liked to go to bed at like  _ six o’clock,  _ I would just pretend to sleep so I wouldn’t mess up your sleep schedule.”

Kindaichi realized slowly that Kunimi didn’t know  _ he  _ was pretending to sleep to get him to sleep, too. He shook his head.

“I’m sorry for what just happened, I— I don’t know what to say.”

Kunimi shrugged, “You get very cuddly in your sleep.”

So, Kunimi was  _ aware  _ that Kindaichi often held him after he fell asleep, but he  _ wasn’t _ aware that it was intentional. It was probably better that way.

“Why wouldn’t you say something before now?”

“I—“ Kunimi glanced back at him. “It isn’t a big deal.”

They stayed silent for a long moment before Kunimi hesitantly spoke again.

“And maybe… I was scared that if I told you, it’d stop.”

Kindaichi startled back, “You— What? Really?”

Kunimi stared at the wall intently, “No. Maybe? I— Never mind. Okay?”

“No,” Kindaichi put a hand on his arm. “Not okay. Why were you scared of that?”

“I like it.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

Kindaichi stared at Kunimi as he very actively avoided his eyes. He reached down and readjusted Kunimi’s gaze with his hand, then dissolved when he was confronted by the deep gravitational pull of the universe. Kunimi slowly moved his hand over Kindaichi’s, his eyes never leaving his friend’s.

“Kunimi, I love you.”

“I love you, t—“

“No,” Kindaichi looked stern. “I  _ love  _ you.”

“I  _ love  _ you, too.”

Kindaichi sat back, shell shocked. His hand remained on Kunimi’s cheek and vaguely registered the growing heat under his palm. Kunimi rolled onto his back and stared up at him.

“I— No, you must not understand.”

“I understand. Trust me.”

Kunimi moved his hands up and pulled Kindaichi down by his shoulders. Kindaichi stared into his eyes, panicking. He read Kunimi’s face for any sign of doubt or misunderstanding, but found nothing at all. He was entirely unreadable. He slowly started leaning down, thinking that’s what Kunimi wanted just based on how he continued pulling on him.

He paused just above his face, unsure. He didn’t feel right about it without expressed, complete permission from Kunimi. He must’ve not understood what he meant, and he didn’t want to act on a misunderstanding. Kunimi searched his eyes before rolling his own and closing the distance between them, granting all of Kindaichi’s lifelong dreams. That was all the permission he needed.

He leaned fully into the touch, reclaiming Kunimi’s face in his hand while his own cheeks set ablaze. He breathed in his scent, no longer stale cigarettes, but cinnamon and cocoa. His soul scathed him as it burned brightly, having finally been heard. Kunimi exhaled softly against his mouth and Kindaichi’s body  _ ached. _

He heaved Kunimi toward him by his thighs and leaned down over his torso, admiring the weight of his legs around his hips. He ran his hands over his skin, resting in the dip under his ribs. He very slowly pressed their hips together, and his body was about to cease existing at the noise Kunimi made.

He pulled back, feeling very overwhelmed. It wasn’t every day you got what you yearned for your entire life. He looked down at Kunimi as he rested his hands above his head. He took in his slim figure, his pale skin, his dark hair. He ran his hands down his thighs, subconsciously running over his scars— both intentionally placed either by his parents or himself, or otherwise accidental. He never blamed him for that. Everyone is always doing what they need to do to get by. That being said, seeing them with his own eyes hurt him. Kunimi deserved better. He always did. He always will. Kindaichi was convinced nothing could ever be good enough for Kunimi because he was truly better than life itself.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Kunimi whispered.

He wanted to hear his voice say those words directed at him forever. Every moment of every day until he died. He’d be fine dying right then if that’s what it took. He didn’t want to live a single day without Kunimi Akira.

“How long?”

“Huh?”

“How long have you known you loved me?” Kindaichi asked, running his hand over his skin still, insatiable.

“Always.”

“Me too.”

“We’re pretty stupid, huh?”

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“I know that better than anyone.”

“But now we know.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter.”

Kindaichi retracted entirely and stared down at Kunimi, “What do you mean?”

“I’m still leaving tomorrow.”

“I know.”

“Then?”

Kindaichi sighed and ruffled his hair out. He was so overwhelmed. Emotions and words were certainly not his forte, but if there was anything he knew, it was that he loved Kunimi and would do anything for him.

“I will follow you anywhere you go for the rest of our lives if it means staying with you forever. I don’t care where, when or why. I just… want  _ you.” _

Kunimi smiled softly and reached up, running his thumbs over his cheeks, “Don’t cry, Yūtarō.”

Cry? He was crying? He tuned back into his body and felt the lump in his throat and the burning in his chest. Oh, so he was.

“I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t ever apologize to me.”

Kindaichi leaned down and kissed him again, because that was something he could do. Kunimi received it easily, holding him close by the neck. He didn’t pull away. He kissed Kunimi until their cheeks were slick and their lips were swollen. He wasn’t sure if the wetness on their cheeks was from the sloppy nature of their touch or from the tears that refused to quit. Kunimi didn’t seem to mind either way as he kept him close.

Kunimi sniffled quickly between kisses. To Kindaichi’s shock and horror, Kunimi was crying as well. He pulled away and caressed his cheek.

“Don’t cry.”

“Says you.”

“Why are you sad?”

Kunimi shook his head and Kindaichi died at the sight of his flushed face, swollen, red lips and mussed hair. He was so  _ beautiful. _

“I’m not.”

“But…”

Kunimi pulled him in again and pressed a sweet kiss to his lips, “I am  _ so  _ happy, Yūtarō.”

Kindaichi pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. He felt Kunimi’s hands playing over his back, keeping him close. He thought it was overwhelming looking into his eyes and seeing the universe, but it was much, much more consuming to be enveloped in the dense promise of expanding infinity. He felt invincible, timeless and truly free in the tight clutches of time and space— everything that meant anything and everything that was real. Kunimi was his reality. He was the only thing that made sense. He was his everything. His mind swirled with images of the stars dancing brightly around the moon.

He was the moon, not the sun. He was the unaltered state of the universe. He was the light in the dark and the physical representation of heaven itself. He controlled the tides and influenced Kindaichi himself on the most baseline level. Kunimi was his way home, guiding him brightly and steadily, as clear as a map of stars on a blanket of thick black.

He was his reason to always look upwards and onwards. There was always bigger and better as long as Kunimi was by his side. He was lost without him. He could push forward, led on by the moon, without limits. He kept him grounded, steady on the earth, reminding him of his humanity and inner goodness.

Without the moon, there’d be no life. It was very much the same thing without Kunimi Akira

”Can I tell you something stupid?”

Kindaichi opened his eyes, “Always.”

“I know your eyes are dark,” Kunimi rubbed his thumb over his cheek. “But when I look in them all I see is the sun. And I think that’s nice because the sun is the driving force of life on earth and that’s how I feel about you, too.”

Kindaichi couldn’t help but laugh, eliciting a frown from Kunimi.

“What?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. It’s just… The sun lights the moon.”

Kunimi frowned deeper, “I don’t understand.”

“I love you.”

“I lo—“

Kindaichi cut him off with a passionate kiss, unraveling under the tight embrace of a solar eclipse.


End file.
